Last post I wrote about losing my friends. I'm starting to find them. They were not really lost.
I was.
I don't want everything I write about to be sad, because it's too hard to go back later and reread it. I've done that with journaling and I didn't like it. Maybe I had a bad day and wrote about it, but 6 months later, I didn't feel the same way and it was depressing to relive those emotions.
Saying that...I feel like things take so much effort and I'm continually crawling up out of a hole.
But when I see daylight, I'm happier. So that's what I am going to focus on. The Happy!
I've spent more time with friends and Bible Study gals lately and I'm so grateful for those times.
Yesterday our Bible Study group gathered for lunch to celebrate one gal's birthday. We usually pick a local restaurant and go out for breakfast or lunch, but this time she opted for a potluck luncheon. It was fabulous! Several of us have "food issues" or allergies, so everyone is very considerate and modifies their recipes to accommodate the others. We had a delicious, healthy, abundant lunch and topped it off with my low-fat chocolate cheesecake cupcakes. Yummy!
We met at noon and when I left at 3pm, they were still going strong.
We're studying Max Lucado's James and I plan to post about what I experience with this study.
We've had dinner with dear friends at a beautiful, historic Richmond hotel. We had our son's girlfriend's parents over for dinner. And last night I had dinner with ladies I used to work with. We meet once a month for dinner, but I don't think I've been able to join them since June. Last night we had a great time. We laughed a lot and for a couple of hours, we enjoyed each other's company as well as listened to each other's problems. That's the good thing about friends. They will laugh with you or cry with you and love you during both.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
The River
We had a great time at "the river". We boated, provided waves for some kayakers, my nephews jet-skied and we pulled them and my niece on a tube behind the boat. My nephews are 19 & 16 and my brother, their dad, could not shake them off that tube. And he tried, but they are so young and so strong they held on.My family has had so much fun and made so many special memories during the past 30 yrs at that cottage. And it's there that I miss my Dad the most. He loved it!!!
Oh, then we ate! With so many cooks bringing food, it was a feast. But the best part for my mom, was that all of her children and about 1/2 of her grandchildren were there together at one time.It was a great afternoon and a beautiful evening.
Oh, then we ate! With so many cooks bringing food, it was a feast. But the best part for my mom, was that all of her children and about 1/2 of her grandchildren were there together at one time.It was a great afternoon and a beautiful evening.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friends
I've just realized that I am losing my friends. It's happened gradually in the past 4 years. May, 2004, my husband and I were in a serious motorcycle accident.
Is there any other kind?
We had multiple injuries, but we can walk and talk so we are very lucky. Blessed. Still not quite right. My most serious injury was a fractured ankle. I was in a wheelchair for 3 months because I also had a broken shoulder which prevented me from using crutches. So my dear daughter, who had to postpone her wedding for 3 months, had to push and pull me everywhere all summer of 2004. She was wonderful: loving and patient with not a shred of resentment. She was so grateful to God that we were alive.
Anyway, after 2 more surgeries, countless hours of PT and a mountain of pain pills, I am still not quite right. I can walk, but not without pain. Lots of pain. I look in the mirror and I see the pain etched in my face. It does not make me feel better to know that I could be so much worse. My personal pain is eating away at my soul.
And that's why I feel so disconnected from my friends. When we came home from the hospital (I was in for 7 days, P was in for 10 days), our friends and family came in droves. We did not have to prepare a meal for 6 weeks. We were on prayer lists all over the world. And we knew we were being lifted up! But now that I have had such a rough time, I don't see my friends much. I had a business with lots of ladies that became friends, but I no longer am able to continue to work it. I just don't feel like socializing, entertaining or even chatting on the phone like I used to. I love that people are concerned, but I hate that conversations revolve around how I'm feeling and what the doctors are planning next. So I have retreated into a shell. And that's not where I want to be.
I have had my next door neighbor's son's birthday present sitting in the dining room since June, because it's too much effort to take it over.
So, I am going to intentionally make plans and reconnect with all of my dear friends. I need friends in my life and I want to be somebody that they need in their lives.
Yesterday, after my doctor visit, I had lunch with a good friend and then we went and got pedicures. I think that's a pretty good start.
Is there any other kind?
We had multiple injuries, but we can walk and talk so we are very lucky. Blessed. Still not quite right. My most serious injury was a fractured ankle. I was in a wheelchair for 3 months because I also had a broken shoulder which prevented me from using crutches. So my dear daughter, who had to postpone her wedding for 3 months, had to push and pull me everywhere all summer of 2004. She was wonderful: loving and patient with not a shred of resentment. She was so grateful to God that we were alive.
Anyway, after 2 more surgeries, countless hours of PT and a mountain of pain pills, I am still not quite right. I can walk, but not without pain. Lots of pain. I look in the mirror and I see the pain etched in my face. It does not make me feel better to know that I could be so much worse. My personal pain is eating away at my soul.
And that's why I feel so disconnected from my friends. When we came home from the hospital (I was in for 7 days, P was in for 10 days), our friends and family came in droves. We did not have to prepare a meal for 6 weeks. We were on prayer lists all over the world. And we knew we were being lifted up! But now that I have had such a rough time, I don't see my friends much. I had a business with lots of ladies that became friends, but I no longer am able to continue to work it. I just don't feel like socializing, entertaining or even chatting on the phone like I used to. I love that people are concerned, but I hate that conversations revolve around how I'm feeling and what the doctors are planning next. So I have retreated into a shell. And that's not where I want to be.
I have had my next door neighbor's son's birthday present sitting in the dining room since June, because it's too much effort to take it over.
So, I am going to intentionally make plans and reconnect with all of my dear friends. I need friends in my life and I want to be somebody that they need in their lives.
Yesterday, after my doctor visit, I had lunch with a good friend and then we went and got pedicures. I think that's a pretty good start.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Dead Wood
If I could transfer my thoughts onto this computer screen, I would have several posts by now.
But since that technology has not yet been developed, I will type and try to get my thoughts in order.
This week I have been doing lots of "yard work". For some it's work, for me it's therapy. And believe me, I have lots of reasons to need therapy, but that's another story. In one of my "sessions", I clipped and pruned dead branches from my azaleas. Looking at the bushes I could not easily see the dead branches, but when I crouched down, pulled the branches aside and got to the heart of the bush, there is was! Deadwood. Oh, I love to prune! I know you don't prune azaleas at this time of year, but I'm pretty sure there will be no spring blossoms on the dead branches. When outside, I usually spend time with God. I leave my ipod off so I won't be distracted by Brad Paisley. As I was cutting and talking to God, I thought about all the deadwood we all have hidden under our pretty branches. All the sins. All the bad thoughts. All the bad deeds. All the good deeds gone undone. We're just like the azalea bushes. The deadwood needs to come out in order for the light to reach our hearts. The pruning took place over a couple of days and each time I went back to a bush, I noticed more and more tender, new leaves that were hidden deep within the dead branches were now flourishing. In my pruning, I let more sunshine in so those little guys could grow and not be crowded out by the all deadwood. I kept thinking about us, God's people, and how we all need more light to shine through our exterior and reach our hearts. Like the azaleas, we never stop growing. By getting rid of our deadwood, we will be happier, healthier Christians.
But since that technology has not yet been developed, I will type and try to get my thoughts in order.
This week I have been doing lots of "yard work". For some it's work, for me it's therapy. And believe me, I have lots of reasons to need therapy, but that's another story. In one of my "sessions", I clipped and pruned dead branches from my azaleas. Looking at the bushes I could not easily see the dead branches, but when I crouched down, pulled the branches aside and got to the heart of the bush, there is was! Deadwood. Oh, I love to prune! I know you don't prune azaleas at this time of year, but I'm pretty sure there will be no spring blossoms on the dead branches. When outside, I usually spend time with God. I leave my ipod off so I won't be distracted by Brad Paisley. As I was cutting and talking to God, I thought about all the deadwood we all have hidden under our pretty branches. All the sins. All the bad thoughts. All the bad deeds. All the good deeds gone undone. We're just like the azalea bushes. The deadwood needs to come out in order for the light to reach our hearts. The pruning took place over a couple of days and each time I went back to a bush, I noticed more and more tender, new leaves that were hidden deep within the dead branches were now flourishing. In my pruning, I let more sunshine in so those little guys could grow and not be crowded out by the all deadwood. I kept thinking about us, God's people, and how we all need more light to shine through our exterior and reach our hearts. Like the azaleas, we never stop growing. By getting rid of our deadwood, we will be happier, healthier Christians.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My First Blog
I have been trying for a couple of weeks to begin this blog. I think that when I get in the groove, it will become easier, but it's hard for me to start.
My life has taken so many twists and turns in my 50+ years. We got married young, while I was still in x-ray school, on my parents anniversary. We thought that would soften the blow of us getting married so young. Seems to be working...36 years so far. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I worked as an x-ray tech before retiring at 24 to have my daughter. Really, all I ever wanted to do was be a wife and mother. My own mother had very strong views of working mothers and sacrificing, so that was transferred to me. Growing up, most of my friends' moms were SAHMs, or as they were called, Housewives and that was the norm for us. Now I know that the sacrificing goes both ways.
Five years after K-A was born, we welcomed our son, the 4th. When he was born one of the nurses asked me if we had chosen a name and I said, "that child has been named for 10 years". He is the last male in a large family with the family last name. I had no choice!
In the next years, we lived a typical life in a typical neighborhood with typical friends. At least that's how I see it. I was a Mom, a Wife, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend as well as a pre-school volunteer, room mother, driver, nurse, chief cook and bottle washer. I enjoyed my life and enjoyed playing with my children. I hope they remember it the same way. I spent many hours at dancing school, a horse farm during riding lessons, at various ball fields as well as at music stores for guitar lessons and trying out guitars and special effects pedals.
It's so unbelivable how fast it as gone by.
Now our nest is empty and we have brought our dogs inside to spoil and love on.
Next installment will be the next chapter.
My life has taken so many twists and turns in my 50+ years. We got married young, while I was still in x-ray school, on my parents anniversary. We thought that would soften the blow of us getting married so young. Seems to be working...36 years so far. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I worked as an x-ray tech before retiring at 24 to have my daughter. Really, all I ever wanted to do was be a wife and mother. My own mother had very strong views of working mothers and sacrificing, so that was transferred to me. Growing up, most of my friends' moms were SAHMs, or as they were called, Housewives and that was the norm for us. Now I know that the sacrificing goes both ways.
Five years after K-A was born, we welcomed our son, the 4th. When he was born one of the nurses asked me if we had chosen a name and I said, "that child has been named for 10 years". He is the last male in a large family with the family last name. I had no choice!
In the next years, we lived a typical life in a typical neighborhood with typical friends. At least that's how I see it. I was a Mom, a Wife, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend as well as a pre-school volunteer, room mother, driver, nurse, chief cook and bottle washer. I enjoyed my life and enjoyed playing with my children. I hope they remember it the same way. I spent many hours at dancing school, a horse farm during riding lessons, at various ball fields as well as at music stores for guitar lessons and trying out guitars and special effects pedals.
It's so unbelivable how fast it as gone by.
Now our nest is empty and we have brought our dogs inside to spoil and love on.
Next installment will be the next chapter.
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